Two Point Hospital

Two Point Radio is the station that plays in your hospital during gameplay.

Harrison Wolfe - Your night time, tired radio host.
Sir Nigel Bickleworth 
 *  'I don't know what my time travelling future self is up to, but my arm just disappeared.'
 *  'I went to the Cirque du Parfait recently. I was impressed by how experimental the acts were, 'til I realised I was facing the wrong way and just looking at the tent wall.'

Music

 * Night Ward - Not My Cousin
 * Samba de Medicana - Flemington La
 * Come On Over - What? Where?
 * Bassinets - Jorge & The Deuce
 * Water Wednesdays - Chicken Butter
 * Miami Swing - Cuticle Karate
 * On Call - Lindy-Sue and The Staircase Gang
 * Sundries - J-U-L-I-A
 * Midnight Blue - Project Vineyard
 * Remedy Hill - Two with Mustard
 * Recover & Regain - Puffin Pot
 * The Gamble Man - Blueberry Longhorn
 * The Waiting Room - Speaking Faces
 * Wet Laundry - Egg and Terracotta Soldiers
 * Gomer - Book Smell
 * The Last Dose - Postal Consomething?? CITATION NEEDED

Adverts

 * Briney Brittle is a yummy salty snack that makes you really thirsty! The taste of the sea right in your mouth!
 * The Four Freddies, Barbershop Quartet

Tannoy
Informs you of where staff are needed etc.

Announcement Quotes

 * 'Persons found taking up bench space with unorthodox sitting methods, will be asked to leave or stand.'
 * 'In the event of a fire, please leave the building.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to be sick.'
 * 'To the owner of the blueish car. Your car is being taken for crushing. That's a blueish car for crushing. Thank you.'
 * 'Please be aware. Not being aware, costs lives.'
 * 'Announcement! Pretending your doctor is better than they are, may aid recovery.'
 * 'We hope you've enjoyed your stay, but not so much that you don't leave...please, eventually leave.'
 * 'If anyone has seen my pen. Please, return my pen. Thank you.'
 * 'Patients asking about our safety measures are kindly asked, not to.'
 * 'Staff reminded not to laugh at patients, whilst they are present. Thank you.'
 * 'Staff facilities are out of bounds for all patients and some staff. Thank you.'
 * 'Attention! Will all visitors please talk silently.'
 * 'Please be vigilant.'
 * 'Unattended patients may be removed and destroyed.'
 * 'Attention! Please lower your expectations.'
 * 'Staff are reminded to get back to work.'
 * 'Don't interact with other patients, you don't know where they've been.'
 * 'May we request that all our patients kindly get out.'
 * 'Doctor-Patient confidentiality is not practised in this hospital.'
 * 'Lost and found report: ham sandwich, partially eaten.'
 * 'We are sorry for the litter you dropped on our floor.'
 * 'To all patients with no money, you are now discharged.'
 * 'Patients are reminded that this is a workplace, not a theme park.'
 * 'Don't forget, tip your doctor.'
 * 'Players are reminded to stay hydrated.'
 * 'Those unable to find the hospital will not be considered patients.'
 * 'Please respect the hospital grounds, no unauthorised digging.'
 * 'Announcement! Try not to die.'
 * 'Please look out for invisible and potentially lethal diseases.'
 * 'Register your body for compost a patient today, help the grass be greener from the other side.'
 * 'Cured Patients should leave the hospital before they catch something else.'
 * 'In the event of an epidemic please try not to panic.'
 * 'Some patients should be ashamed of their condition, you know who you are.'
 * 'Announcement! It's happening again.'
 * 'No Sleeping in the corridors.'
 * 'If you see anything suspicious, please investigate further.'
 * 'Have a snack, we'll be right back.'
 * 'Unattended bags will be taken home by staff.'
 * 'No money, no treatment.'
 * 'Any suspicious objects should be poked with a special stick.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to believe in ghosts.'
 * 'In case of staff shortage please contact a member of staff.'
 * 'In the event of an earthquake please stay still.'
 * 'Patients are reminded to avoid death when possible.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to think about it.'
 * 'Could patients please stop coughing.'

Patient Announcement Quotes

 * 'Patient announcement! Please don't ask how our machines work, as, we are not exactly sure.'

Warning Quotes

 * 'Warning! Those abusing hospital facilities are henceforth to be considered organ donors.'

Maintenance Announcement Quotes

 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Any medical waste should be disposed of immediately.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Automated snack machines need restocking, manually.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Plants need water.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! It's better for all of us if toilets are serviced regularly.'